Friday, October 12, 2012

Lilytorial #3

Today is Friday, people! You know what that means..

Lilytorial #3: Public Speaking

If I could pick one thing in this world that I just despised, it would be speaking in public.

It is not the actual speaking that gets me. It is the microphone. I hate them. Actually, hate is too light of a word.  They scare the living crap out of me (excuse my language). I hate the way they make me sound. I hate the way they project my voice. And I hate the way they smell. You are probably judging me right now. Stop it!

I guess I shouldn't say that I hate microphones. I mean, they are only doing their job. I suppose I hate the job that they have. I think that I am already loud enough without having to use technology to send my voice across spacious areas. I am scared just typing all of this. I feel like I am telling you guys a big secret or something..

The truth is that my youth pastor approached me earlier this week and wants me to speak at an event at our church tonight. HELP ME. I know I can do it and that it won't be nearly as bad as I am making it out to be. I am just psyching myself out. It's only a hundred or so people...

I am expecting something to happen though. Something incredibly awkward.

Cause that is just how my life is.


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Only Me

You think that I would be used to the fact that my life is one continuous string of awkward moments. Well, I'm not.

Today started off like any other day. I woke up at four fifty (I know...EARLY) so I could catch the bus by six. I put some hairspray in my hair, a little blush on my face and then I was off. After an hour of sitting on my  lovely (heavy on the sarcasm) bus, I have to transfer to another bus so I can get to my school.

Here's where the fun begins...

I was walking up the stairs of the bus minding my own business when all of a sudden I fell. Straight down. In front of everyone. I didn't even trip; I just...fell over. Thank goodness my laptop survived the trip!

This resulted in a few wonderful scratches on my hand which immediately started to bleed. Thankfully, I had a giraffe print bandage at the bottom of my book bag. Stylish, I know.

To top off this wonderful day, my bus broke down. I saw this coming, though. I am actually surprised it didn't happen earlier. My bus driver handled it well...not. We were stuck for an hour.

This is the same lady that...

A. Lets kids get off the bus randomly during the route to pee. One kid even went so far as to take a leak in the bushes on the side of the road; however, this turned out to be someone's backyard. We didn't know until he got back, but the owner of the house told the kid that he could use the actual bathroom in his house. Can't my bus driver get fired for that? It's creepy...

B. Has assigned seats. Really? It's insulting. When I got on the bus this afternoon, I saw that someone had written "Ha Ha" under my name tag on my assigned seat. I guess my last name is funny to the common folk. The dude that sits behind me informed me that the comment has been there for a few weeks. Shows you how observant I am...

C. Pulls over to the side of the road many times during each trip to "lecture" us about the volume of our iPods or letting someone else use your phone. I'm serious. That actually happened. Last month she pulled over in a neighborhood and kept us trapped in that hot, smelly bus for twenty minutes while she was arguing with a freshman about letting a girl use his phone to make a call. It's a ridiculous vehicle, people and all.

I have so many bus issues.


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Lilytorial #2

I know this is late...But surprise!

Today, a lot of things happened. Most of them were good things...great things! I had the day off from school so I spent the day with my mom. I love spontaneous adventures! We went shopping, got some lunch, and just drove.

But she is all mine. You can't have her...

It had never really happened to me before, but I guess it was bound to eventually. Brace yourself...I got a bad haircut today. Shoot me now...

I knew something was going to end up drastically wrong when my *new* hairstylist kept saying things like "oops" and "that doesn't look right" and "that is not even at all". She completely ruined my side bangs. Which is an even worse fate when you have naturally curly hair.

I suppose this Lilytorial is a review of the lovely establishment where I got my hair butchered cut. I will spare you the name, because honestly I don't want to deal with people's comments.

First of all, why do cheap hair salons always have a horrible smell? It is a distinct chemical smell that most of these places possess. Weird...

I blame *company name here* for this brutal slaughter. The lady who cut my hair was not young and fresh out of beauty school. Don't companies check and make sure their employee knows what they are doing before they hire them? If they don't, they should. Personally, I don't think this job is one that should be taken lightly. People's hair can be a prized possession. Anybody working with hair or other important bodily stuffs should one hundred percent know what they are doing. It is not fair to the customer! I am paying them to do a good job. I am trusting one of my prized possessions to them. Know how to do your job right! I don;t think this is too much to ask.

I stayed up late tonight to try and figure out a good hairstyle to accommodate my mane. Talk about desperate...After that I decided I am just going to suck it up and take it like a woman!

It'll grow back out...eventually.


Monday, October 1, 2012


Good Monday morning, world!

I can barely contain all of my excitement for the upcoming month. I LOVE October. The weather is gorgeous and so are the colors. It is a season of change, and I love that.

Recently, I got a job. A real job. With taxes.

I am now an employee at Sweet Frog Premium Frozen Yogurt in Raleigh. Beat that.

I have only worked there for about five weeks and in that short span of time I have managed to screw up many things. On my second shift...SECOND...I was working in the front greeting people and filling up the topping containers. Underneath the counter, we have cabinets with large containers full of different toppings. I accidentally knocked over the bucket full of Reese's Pieces all over the floor. I am talking thousands of tiny candies scattered everywhere. It wasn't pretty. After that, I had to sweep them all up and throw them out. I still can't believe I wasted all those perfectly delicious Reese's Pieces...

A couple of days later I was back at work and completely focused so I wouldn't make any mistakes. Too bad I forgot how clumsy and awkward I am. This time I was working in the kitchen; my job was to fill up the yogurt machines. Some flavors are pre-mixes, which basically means to me that they are in huge buckets and are very hard to lift and tip into the machines. Mango, my favorite, just happens to be a pre-mix. I took as many precautions as I could so I would not mess up this time. Well, that didn't help at all. I ended up spilling the liquid down the side of the machine and on the floor. It was quickly spreading and I had to figure out something to do...and fast. Another employee walked into the kitchen at this time and after being shocked, told me to grab a mop. After awhile, I finally had all the mango mopped up and the floors cleaned. Let's just say that it wasn't the most refined moment of my life.

Both of those experiences have scared me straight and I have been extra careful when handling frozen yogurt related foods. If there is one thing I have learned from my job so far, it is that I am a strawberry-chopping boss. I can knock out a whole tray of them in like seven minutes. In case you were wondering, that's talent.


Friday, September 28, 2012

Lilytorial #1

I just realized a few minutes ago that today is Friday. This day just got about a thousand times better.

Because it is Friday, I am writing my very first editorial, or Lilytorial. Thank you for the title suggestion Ms. Jenny. I wish I had thought of it...

Nevertheless, my family has suggested that my first editorial should be about people who are always late.

I know growing up in the South that everyone is on "Southern Time", but that is not an excuse to show up somewhere an hour after you said you would be. This has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves. It coincides with keeping your word, too. If you tell someone you will be at their house at six o'clock, make your best effort to be there at six. Excuses like, "I forgot" and "I'm just running a little behind" do not fly with me. If you are late once or twice, that is a lot more forgivable than if it is a constant thing. It is common courtesy to follow up on what you say.

We as humans naturally get disappointed and upset when we get our hopes up and then someone comes along and crushes them. I couldn't even begin to count how many times different people in my life have caused me pain because of unfulfilled promises.

Also, people that are constantly late are distractions. Some people in my first class of the day are late everyday. Like fifteen minutes late. It is harder for others to focus when people interrupt class. It gets the teacher frustrated and she ends up having to explain the warm-up or lesson eight times. I am there to just get through the day and go home. I don't want to have to hear the same set of directions over and over.

Please, please, please fulfill promises you make to others.

Thank you for reading my very first Lilytorial! If any of you have suggestions for a topic next Friday, please don't hesitate to let me know.


Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Everything's Better In 3D

Warning: Due to the high amounts of nostalgia and excitement in this blog, please proceed with caution.

A couple of weekends ago I went to see Finding Nemo in 3D with some of my close girlfriends. You should know that this is probably my favorite Pixar movie...of all time. I have always been very into Disney and everything to do with it. Except the new Princess and the Frog. But that is another story for another day...

I was pumped going into the theater expecting all my childhood fantasies about living under the sea to come true. I mean, my favorite princess is Ariel. Coincidence? I think not.

Let me just say that it is generally a bad idea to get your hopes up for anything in this world. Nothing ever happens the way you expect it to. But in this case, I chose to ignore my own advice. And thankfully I was NOT disappointed!

I was literally on the edge of my seat in anticipation for the movie to start. I tried to control all my urges to quote the movie verbatim, which I can proudly do; however, I failed. Yes, I am one of those people. I apologize to anyone that has ever watched a movie with me with quotable material.

The movie was everything I had hoped it would be and more. Everything is better in 3D. Fish were flying toward me, bubbles seemed to explode off screen, and I could physically see Darla's fingerprints when she tapped on the fish tank. I was in a trance the entire movie; I couldn't think or talk about anything else. Finding Nemo is definitely worth the extra cash to see in 3D. In fact, most Disney movies would be.

I don't care what anyone else says...If Pixar wants to release every movie they have ever made in 3D, let them. I will be sitting in the very back row in the center seat for every single one of them. The only thing that could have possibly made this experience any better was if the 3D glasses were striped like a clown fish...
Yes, that is me in the pink. Can you tell I was a
little more than excited?
On another note...

One of my mom's friends suggested that I write editorials in the newspaper. Personally, I would love to be able to write editorials for them one day, but for now I will stick with this blog. You people can't physically reject me here!

So I hereby declare every Friday 'Editorial Day'! That's a horrible name. I will try to think of one much more cheesy by this Friday.


Friday, September 14, 2012


I'm a horrible person.

Please don't hate me.

I need to figure out how I can get myself into a regular blogging groove. I do not want to keep disappointing all my loyal fans! (Who am I kidding, I do this to entertain myself).


I learned to do a lot of things this summer. And I also learned some stuff that I probably should refrain from doing in the future. I have decided to let you all in on my extremely wonderful, yet absolutely awkward life. Brace yourself.

1. I learned to pee in the woods. I know what you're thinking. Trust me, I did not choose to acquire this skill. Here's the scoop... This summer, I went on a leadership retreat with my youth group. My best friend and I were the only two youth-aged girls who were brave enough to camp out in the woods of Durham with a bunch of pansy rugged boys. According to the camp director, there was a bathroom on our campsite that we were able to use. She was wrong. Well technically, there was a "bathroom". It was an outhouse with a family of bats living inside. Not to mention hundreds of scary bacteria and insects. I decided then and there I was not going to step foot into that outhouse and potentially be eaten alive by some mutant spider or get a bat tangled in my hair. The only other option was to...dun dun DUN...pee in the woods. It isn't really all that difficult once you get used to the fact that you either pee, or your bladder explodes. I definitely did not want my bladder to burst into a million tiny pieces right in the middle of nowhere. Or anywhere for that matter. Needless to say, I got very...comfortable with my best friend and two female youth leaders on that trip. If you ever need any advice on how to pee in the woods, come talk to me. But for now I will spare you the detailed instructions.

2. I learned that you do NOT drive through Jacksonville to get to New Bern. I must be psychic because I can read your thoughts yet again! Bear with me. I went with my best friend to stay with my Aunt and Uncle in Cove City, North Carolina for a little bit over the summer. One morning we woke up and they had already gone to work. Around lunch time, my aunt called to tell us to meet her in New Bern for lunch. I had just gotten my license and did not know the area well. My aunt gave us directions, but unfortunately directions are not my forte. I was fine until we hit the four lane. I was a little worried about taking the wrong exit. And guess what? We did. About fifteen minutes after we took the wrong exit, I realized we were in fact headed to Jacksonville. Only I could screw up something so easy with such detailed instructions. Thank goodness we were able to turn around and make it to Pizza Hut without injury.

If you actually made it to the end of this blog, bless you. Now you know how awkward I really am. And that is only the beginning. But I enjoy it. I am making memories people!